Couples: Communication? Intimacy?
Few things hurt more than a troubled love relationship with no resolutions or satisfaction in sight. Often couples identify communication as their problem although they may be communicating plenty with silence, anger, hurt, and by engaging in the same argument repeatedly. At times, it’s not that people are not communicating, it’s that they’re not feeling understood, heard or appreciated.
Sometimes one or both people say they don’t know if they feel love anymore, or they don’t feel loved, or there has been a betrayal. By the time people come to treatment, sexual and emotional intimacy have suffered. At times, couples come in together to address a particular issue, such as parenting.
The good news is that whether people have been together a short time or decades, they can come back from the brink, and even improve their relationship as long as each works on his or her part of the dynamic. Couples seem willing to do that once they feel they can be heard and understood. It’s not as easy as saying men are from Mars, women from Venus or that there are different love languages. People get stuck in ways that feel safe but that create barriers to being loving and feeling loved. Blame cannot be part of the work but understanding each other’s hurts can be.
I work with people to recreate a relationship focus which everyone has when they first fall in love.
An intimate relationship is where many people place their deepest desires and come up against basic fears and difficulties. This gives couples work the potential to help and nourish each person in the relationship as well as to help the relationship grow.